a little bit more wine...

and I'm going to turn into an adolescent girlfriend posting youtube links to all sorts of sappy love songs on my boyfriend's fb.

sigh

it's hard, missing someone so much it physically hurts sometimes.

but what a wondrous gift it is to have this man in my life. I am such a lucky woman. :)

what a contrast

My boyfriend came for a visit this weekend. We had planned the visit before I was in the wreck, but the timing couldn't have been better. He needed to see for himself that I really was okay, and I needed some relief from the stress of dealing with all the insurance/car shopping stuff.

I know I should try harder to not compare my boyfriend and ex. But sometimes it's just so glaringly different and better with my boyfriend that it's hard to not draw some comparisons.

Prior to this wreck, the last wreck I was in happened about 17 years ago or so. I was in a Mustang, and got rear-ended by a pickup truck. It wasn't a high-speed impact, and there wasn't much damage done to my car at all. But I was pregnant with my younger son.

I was able to drive home, shaken and more than a little scared for my baby. I came into the house, told then-husband, and his first reaction was to go outside and look at the car.

Flash forward to now. The wreck I was in recently was more serious. I had minor injuries, and my van totaled. But neither was I pregnant this time, nor were my kids in the vehicle. I was not seriously injured The accident could have been a lot worse than it was. I was lucky.

Now, instead of a husband who checks on vehicles first, before making sure his pregnant wife and unborn child are okay, I have this incredibly sweet, wonderful man who flew to visit me for a weekend, who needed to make sure I was okay, and who wanted to pamper me. He looked at the scrapes and cut on my head within seconds of seeing me at the airport. He wanted to look at each and every bruise, so he could see that they were healing and fading already. He made sure I had plenty to eat, ran errands with me, and even came to the eye doctor with me just to sit around waiting for a couple of hours.

Before he left today, I tried to tell my boyfriend how much it meant to me, and why it did, although without going into the exact details of why. To feel the love and level of caring from him truly does feel like such a wonderful gift.

it is a contrast... 

well now, that was embarrassing...

visiting my boyfriend this weekend. we went out Friday night with friends for dinner and then to see my boyfriend's son play at the piano bar where he works.

guess boyfriend and I were a little too obvious in our smooching, because the son not only saw us, but razzed us about it later.

oops! <insert very embarrassed smiley here> lol

okay, as embarrassing as it was to get caught making out in public by my boyfriend's 20-something yr old son, I'm glad the son was comfortable enough with us and our relationship to give us a hard time about it.

so this goes in the "it's a good thing" column. :)

if I weren't already smitten

I would have been after yesterday. Got an email reply from SO when I asked him how he slept the night before ~ "each time I woke enough to turn over, I thought of you and smiled."  Oh yeah, my insides melted with that one, and I walked around with a huge goofy grin on my face for hours.

Gotta love a man who has such a way with words. :)

you know he's a keeper when...

One of the things I'm finding rather remarkable about my relationship with my SO is how incredibly comfortable I am, despite doing a bunch of real life, normally embarrassing things around him. Turns out I don't blush nearly as easily as I thought I did, and I really like being accepted for who I am, and not having to pretend I'm someone I'm not.

I'm not sure it was a lesson to be learned, exactly. But I got to discover what it feels like to have someone care enough about me to take care of me when I didn't feel well this past weekend. I wasn't sure what to do with that, for a while. It's hard to let someone in that close and not be afraid he'll feel differently. It was sad to realize I hadn't had that depth of caring in my marriage, for most if not all of the marriage. I remember thinking that the last time someone did some of the simple, basic things for me when I was sick that SO was doing was when I had been sick as a child and my mom took care of me.

I think it makes SO  a little uncomfortable for me to be so appreciative of things that he does that he takes for granted, because they're such an inherent part of him. He has said something similar to me, about things I've said to or done for him, and I usually answer "it's just me, being me" so I think I understand how he feels.

But I'm going to keep on appreciating this wonderful man who came into my life when I least expected it and I'm going to keep him just as long as he wants me to. :)

Spoiled, I am just so spoiled

Maybe this is what an adult relationship is really supposed to be like, and my view of normal is so skewed that I can't see that, but I can't help but think how very lucky, and spoiled, I am to have someone like my SO in my life. I am constantly amazed at how easy it is to just "be" when I'm with him.

That's not to say I'm not putting any effort into this relationship. Of course I am, as is SO. We both greatly appreciate what we have and are nurturing it. But the more time we spend together, the more I realize how well we truly mesh together, and how one-sided this relationship is not.

I'm really liking this new normal I've discovered. :)

how'd I get to be so lucky?

Today was one of those days. Not a good day, mostly. Crap from having to
get a divorce and having to be a single mom. Okay, it was a curl up in
bed, stay in pj's and cry kind of day. That's how much of a not a good
day it was.

But despite of all that, it wasn't all bad. While my
kids went off with their dad this afternoon, I was chatting with my SO.
What started out as our quick, let's catch up chat turned into a
marathon, all day and again at night chat because I was having such a
not good day. Because SO knew that I needed to not be alone, so he
stayed with me all day, the only way he could. It's a LDR, btw.

I honestly don't know what I did to deserve this man. It's kinda funny,
because he says the same thing about me sometimes. But today, and days
like today, are why I know just how damned lucky I am that this man is
in my life, this kind, caring wonderful man, and that he loves me and
worries about me.

I'm so glad I fell in love with this man. *big goofy grin*