struggling, more than I expected

I'm hoping it's simply a case of holiday blahs and year-end tiredness combined. Or maybe that it's because I've just forgotten to count my blessings lately. But more than likely, it's just more residual fall-out from the shitstorm of 2008-09.

At least I know I'll get through it, whatever these feelings are right now. I've made it through so much worse, and this is small, compared to that.

But I'm ready for things to be...different.

holiday blahs?

There's no doubt about it. I've got the blahs.

I don't want to do anything holiday related. I've avoided going out and doing things with friends. Getting up, especially on Mondays, to go to work takes effort. 

What I don't know is whether it's because of the season, or if it's because I'm tired. It feels more like it's due to the accumulation of the past several years than specifically the holidays. Oh, being in the holiday season isn't helping, but I think I'd feel this way anyway.

humbug! 

baby steps, baby steps

woot! younger son asked me to take him to an activity he wanted to do tonight. if he has a good time, it will become a regular event. it'll require some juggling of my time, after work in the middle of the week, but it'll be worth it to see him getting out of the house and being social again.

there has been so much collateral damage...

I hope this means some real healing has begun.

blogging for work?

well, maybe. I'm supposed to be helping the marketing director with some stuff, mostly writing some white pages. I thought. But I'm going through the tutorials and information, and it looks like what I'm writing can be used as blog posts on the company website. Personally, I think that will be more useful than where the articles are currently being uploaded to, so I think I'm going to grab the initiative here and run with it.

What's the worse that can happen? :p 

kids are resilient, huh?

This has got to be one of the biggest lines of shit that ever get uttered. Seriously.

Resilience: an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change (thank you Merriam-Webster.com)

Recover from or adjust easily....  seems to me that people who say kids are resilient forget the "easily" part of the definition.

What kids are is adaptable. (adapt: to make fit, often by modification). Adults too, for that matter. but I want to talk about kids tonight. Specifically, kids who through no fault of their own, have to suffer through their parents' divorces. These kids are adaptable. They make modifications, to make life somehow fit once again.

They do not recover from nor adjust easily to these changes.

There is nothing easy about divorce, especially for the kids. No matter how old they are. Nothing is easy.

And it sucks.

Tonight I logged into faceback, and there in bright blue letters against the white background, the son of one of my friends is now going by a new last name. My friend's maiden name. The name she took back after her divorce.

I don't know the reasons, and I don't know if this is a permanent change or just the anger of a young man coming out in a public "fuck you" to his dad/dad's family. But I do know that if someone has recovered from or adjusted easily to the divorce of his parents, if he is resilient, he doesn't willingly relinquish his father's name.

People who think kids are resilient are deluding themselves. Kids are adaptable. They will make changes. But it doesn't come easily. It comes at great cost.

There is nothing that is easy about a kid surviving their parents' divorce.

a little bit more wine...

and I'm going to turn into an adolescent girlfriend posting youtube links to all sorts of sappy love songs on my boyfriend's fb.

sigh

it's hard, missing someone so much it physically hurts sometimes.

but what a wondrous gift it is to have this man in my life. I am such a lucky woman. :)

TGIF

This has been one of those weeks that would have been so much better if it never started. I'm so glad it's over. Well, almost over. I still need to get through the afternoon at work, but thankfully I've been left alone in the office and it's really quiet. I need some quiet time.

This week has been one of those weeks that make me realize, yet again, that I need to make some changes.

I don't like to make changes. Change scares me. But remaining stagnant is even scarier.