My van got totaled in the wreck I was in Thursday morning. So now I have to buy a vehicle, on my own, all by myself. The last, and only, time I did that was 26 years ago, when I was 21. I found a really cute little Mustang 4 cylinder, 4 speed. I was so pleased with myself. I thought I had done a good job negotiating the price, and more importantly, the car was just me, kwim? Hey, give me a break. I was a 21 year old girl. Looking good in the car was important. :laugh:
My mom took me to pick it up, and when I was just about home (I still lived at home with my mom), my exH who was my boyfriend at the time, drove past me. He turned around and followed me home. And with the first words out of his mouth, he sucked the joy of buying my very own first car away from me.
It quickly turned into all about him. Why didn't I ask him about it? Why didn't I have him go and check out the engine before I bought it? etc, etc. He looked it over, and finally deemed it okay. But by then the damage was done. The joy from having done this myself was gone, the doubt in myself had begun, and the need for now-ex's approval grew stronger.
The next time I bought a car, ex was my fiance, so it seemed natural that we'd do this together. Except, I pretty much let him pick out the car I was buying. Oh, I decided what type of car I was getting (another Mustang, this one with a V-8 5 speed), and I had veto power, but I let him decide the trim package, and even the color. Because he knew so much more about cars than I did. Because I thought it meant I was special, that he wanted me to have a car he thought I looked good in. Because he loved me, and wanted me to have a nice car. Truth be told, he did a good job. I loved that car, until ex wrecked it a year later. But that's another story.
Eventually, along came the van that was just wrecked. By the time we got that, we had been married for years, had a couple of kids, and had to get a vehicle to replace one totaled in a wreck. I needed a kid hauler, but didn't particularly want a van. I wanted an SUV, but I didn't want the price tag that goes with SUVs. I also didn't want to go car shopping with now-ex, with 2 small kids in tow, so I backed off completely. Let ex handle everything. Again, he did a good job, and got the vehicle we needed at the time, at a price we could afford.
I abdicated my responsibility, my choices, my decisions, so easily. I let my husband handle it all because "he was so much better at all of this than I am."
That's the lesson I learned, so many years ago, when I bought my first car. That my decision making when it comes to buying vehicles cannot be trusted.
And now all these years later, I have to buy a vehicle all by myself. Granted, I'm not even close to the same person that I was at 21. But the...fear...in me is that it will be pointed out to me that I screwed up, or could have screwed up, that I chose wrong, and that any joy I have in whatever vehicle I end up getting will once again be sucked away.
What a horrible legacy to have from the purchase of one's very first own car...
My mom took me to pick it up, and when I was just about home (I still lived at home with my mom), my exH who was my boyfriend at the time, drove past me. He turned around and followed me home. And with the first words out of his mouth, he sucked the joy of buying my very own first car away from me.
It quickly turned into all about him. Why didn't I ask him about it? Why didn't I have him go and check out the engine before I bought it? etc, etc. He looked it over, and finally deemed it okay. But by then the damage was done. The joy from having done this myself was gone, the doubt in myself had begun, and the need for now-ex's approval grew stronger.
The next time I bought a car, ex was my fiance, so it seemed natural that we'd do this together. Except, I pretty much let him pick out the car I was buying. Oh, I decided what type of car I was getting (another Mustang, this one with a V-8 5 speed), and I had veto power, but I let him decide the trim package, and even the color. Because he knew so much more about cars than I did. Because I thought it meant I was special, that he wanted me to have a car he thought I looked good in. Because he loved me, and wanted me to have a nice car. Truth be told, he did a good job. I loved that car, until ex wrecked it a year later. But that's another story.
Eventually, along came the van that was just wrecked. By the time we got that, we had been married for years, had a couple of kids, and had to get a vehicle to replace one totaled in a wreck. I needed a kid hauler, but didn't particularly want a van. I wanted an SUV, but I didn't want the price tag that goes with SUVs. I also didn't want to go car shopping with now-ex, with 2 small kids in tow, so I backed off completely. Let ex handle everything. Again, he did a good job, and got the vehicle we needed at the time, at a price we could afford.
I abdicated my responsibility, my choices, my decisions, so easily. I let my husband handle it all because "he was so much better at all of this than I am."
That's the lesson I learned, so many years ago, when I bought my first car. That my decision making when it comes to buying vehicles cannot be trusted.
And now all these years later, I have to buy a vehicle all by myself. Granted, I'm not even close to the same person that I was at 21. But the...fear...in me is that it will be pointed out to me that I screwed up, or could have screwed up, that I chose wrong, and that any joy I have in whatever vehicle I end up getting will once again be sucked away.
What a horrible legacy to have from the purchase of one's very first own car...
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