I actually told someone today that I hoped ex was happy, and I meant real happy, not the sarcastic all the happiness he deserves with the psycho bitch happy I usually mean.
It was weird to hear that come out of my mouth. I hadn't intended to say. It just sort of flowed out as a natural part of the conversation.
Gotta admit though, the reply back was gratifying, especially since I was talking to someone who didn't know me while married, has never met ex and hasn't a clue what he's like irl. What this person said was along the lines that it sounded like ex was someone who didn't get that he was responsible for his own happiness.
And then to add to the weirdness, I had dinner tonight with a friend, someone who knew me and ex as a couple, and as parents. She's very firmly in my corner, and has been since she found out, which was sometime not long after ex walked out on the kids and me.
The conversation tonight went all over the place - we had a lot of catching up to do. And my friend told me how mad she had been at ex when she found out about him cheating and the way he left, and how she probably still is mad at him, because she thought we were the one couple who were so good together shit like this would never happen.
Sigh
Had several realizations after that. The first one - I'm pretty guilty of rewriting marital history too. Maybe not as intentionally, but it sure was easier to focus on the bad times instead of trying to remember the good times. The second one - I covered up way too much for ex, and made way too many excuses. And three - nobody really knows what a relationship is like, from the outside. Oh, I guess we can add four - that ex fooled a lot more people than just me into thinking he was a good guy.
I feel like maybe I've cleared one of the last few hurdles of this marathon. Another level of acceptance, maybe? Someone suggested I've possibly reached indifference. I suppose that could be it.
Not a bad thing, at all, any of what happened today. Just...weird...
It was weird to hear that come out of my mouth. I hadn't intended to say. It just sort of flowed out as a natural part of the conversation.
Gotta admit though, the reply back was gratifying, especially since I was talking to someone who didn't know me while married, has never met ex and hasn't a clue what he's like irl. What this person said was along the lines that it sounded like ex was someone who didn't get that he was responsible for his own happiness.
And then to add to the weirdness, I had dinner tonight with a friend, someone who knew me and ex as a couple, and as parents. She's very firmly in my corner, and has been since she found out, which was sometime not long after ex walked out on the kids and me.
The conversation tonight went all over the place - we had a lot of catching up to do. And my friend told me how mad she had been at ex when she found out about him cheating and the way he left, and how she probably still is mad at him, because she thought we were the one couple who were so good together shit like this would never happen.
Sigh
Had several realizations after that. The first one - I'm pretty guilty of rewriting marital history too. Maybe not as intentionally, but it sure was easier to focus on the bad times instead of trying to remember the good times. The second one - I covered up way too much for ex, and made way too many excuses. And three - nobody really knows what a relationship is like, from the outside. Oh, I guess we can add four - that ex fooled a lot more people than just me into thinking he was a good guy.
I feel like maybe I've cleared one of the last few hurdles of this marathon. Another level of acceptance, maybe? Someone suggested I've possibly reached indifference. I suppose that could be it.
Not a bad thing, at all, any of what happened today. Just...weird...
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