ah, the joys of divorce...

I worked on my federal income taxes today. Last year's was really straightforward. All I had was spousal support, which oh joy, oh bliss, is considered alimony for federal tax purposes even though the state I live in doesn't "do" alimony. They do spousal support. Anyway, not really a big issue. It didn't total enough that I had to pay any taxes on it, and with the education credit I could get from going back to school, I ended up with a small refund.

This year, though I had the "alimony" and my income, and a rolled-over IRA, and education credits, and for the first time ever, I have to figure out the earned income tax credit. Apparently I'm eligible, filing as head of household with some dependents, now that I'm officially in the low income bracket (yeah, this would be where the sarcastic "ah, the joys of divorce" comes in).

Okay, I get why all this stuff is in place, and I am grateful for the financial aid I've received, as well as the refund  H&R Block is telling me (so far) that I should be getting. But, wow, just didn't think I'd be here at this stage of my life. Both my pride and my ego are smarting a bit tonight. Not a pleasant feeling.

I was brought up with my feet planted firmly in middle class. Not just middle class, but white bread WASP middle class. I know there were tough times, when my dad was unemployed, that I'm sure tumbled the family out of middle class and into the same position I find myself in now. But it never occurred to me back then that we were anything but a middle class family.

I got married, had a family, was a stay at home mom. Can you get any more middle class than that?

But then I got divorced, and today I got to see, in black and white, it all spelled out. And it looks a lot worse on paper (well, on computer screen) than it really is. But it's what's on paper (er, computer screen) that matters as far as the IRS says. And according to them, with my earned income, I'm eligible for the credit. Which means I'm so not in the middle class. Not according to the government of the country I live in.

whoosh! blows to my pride and ego, in one fell swoop.

It's temporary. I know this. I didn't work the entire year of 2011. Oldest son was a full-time college student still living at home. Various situations just came together which made me eligible for the EITC. And like I said previously, I will be grateful for this refund that I supposedly could get.

I just need to release yet another part of the image I had of myself and my life first.