gulp...

I've got 2 kids - one college-aged, who is taking a semester off, and a younger one still  in high school but at the age when he/we need to start thinking about college for him.

My older son is drifting a bit. He's not sure what direction he wants to go in. He's warring between doing what interests him but knowing there's not really a future, and figuring out something else that interests him (he has a lot of interests) that would lead him down a career path.

Younger son is...well, I'm not sure what younger son is thinking. The most I can get out of him is that when it comes time to go to college, he wants to go somewhere that's not here. As in, he wants to move out and away.

Alrighty then....yeah, younger son is still kind of mad at me. For what I'm not exactly sure. Moving on with my life after the divorce, near as I can tell. For me having been angry and hurt because of what his dad did. For talking to my friends about my (in son's mind, his) life. There's probably a ton of other reasons, stuff he perceives as something I've done wrong. Ah, the joys of living with a self absorbed teenager...

I know he's entitled to have his feelings. And he's not being ugly or belligerent, at all. It's just he usually radiates this wall of anger when he's around me. It gets old.

Anyway, I've been attempting to have these "are you thinking about your future?" conversations with both kids. I'm pushing harder with older son because...well, because he's older, he's an adult and damn it, he really needs to figure this shit out, kwim?

So, with older son, I broached the subject of the possibility of me moving when younger son is 18, out of high school, and hopefully in college. I asked older son if he would be surprised to learn I've been considering that option. He said he wasn't surprised. I did also mention that there were several options about what I could do with the house, and my decision would include taking into consideration where the kids are heading at that time.

It was kind of scary to admit aloud that I've been thinking about this. It would mean a lot of big changes, and impact a lot more than just me. I've gotten better, much better, at dealing with change. But still...this would be scary...